Afterlife

Looking up some information about after life experiences and I found these so far:

http://www.fortunecity.com/roswell/seance/78/an.htm

http://adcguides.com/yeshuaonafterlife.htm

http://www.pet-loss.net/heaven.shtml

Please keep in mind that these are not MY links, but I will be adding more links to share what I am learning about the perception of the afterlife as I journey through life.

Lots of love,
Liz

The Linus Song

So here is the whole Linus song. Written and performed by yours truly. Hope my voice doesn't split your ears. Sorry it's filmed in different times, but I'm getting the hang of my 15 second video camera on my phone. I started the song many years ago before Linus left me, and now that he left me I had to finish it. So if you have the patience to watch it, there it is, for you. Some day I hope to have the technology to put a whole song up here without choppiness. And hopefully then I can delete the videos so I'll just one good one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyWf6VbZuZg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9LrzsH-cO0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wpkafdqDJY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjdLVTLjGLo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA5ff...eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjdLV...eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cuHB...eature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOE3a...eature=related

And Linus just being Linus:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdSuarJsvyA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QFqioa0VSg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRyNSzC4x8M

If you have the patience to watch it, bless you. If you don't, then I understand that as well.

Upset the applecart in my mind

I guess I must have subconsciously been a lot more angry about not being able to get confession than I thought. All night I dreamed that Tracie kept wanting to "talk" to Wally and whenever I would get mad, he would say that it was none of my business, and it was important that everything get out in the open, and she would say, "well technically he's still my husband so you have no right to complain about us talking". I guess I'll just be relieved when this is all said and done, because then there will be no way that she can make claims on him and he won't even need to call her his ex-wife if he doesn't want to because an annulment makes that marriage null and void! :)

I can't get over how angry I was at the both of them in my dream though!

I guess I should explain about somethings. I am not what I would call 100% Catholic. I have a lot of faith, but there's a lot I don't believe in too. Truthfully, my beliefs are very eclectic but I really think the sacrament of confession is a great idea, and I didn't feel comfortable taking the Eucharist until I had my confession. I haven't had a confession in over 10 years. So I was going to do that, to try and feel closer to God, to try and make a promise to myself and to God to be a better person, and start anew again. :)

Guess that'll have to wait :(

Confession?

So I tried to go to confession today.

I can't receive the sacrament - which means I can't receive eucharist either - until Wally gets his marriage annulled through the church. The paperwork means it could take 6 months to a year before I can receive the sacraments. Told Wally all about this and he said, "well I don't want anything to do with Tracie." I told him, you just have to fill out some paperwork, and he said, "Okay fine whatever." :) Gotta love the man. :) Something I thought he would throw a big stink about and he's like, whatever... :)

But I don't get it. If he wasn't married the first time in the Catholic church, then I would think it wouldn't be recognized by the church and therefore wouldn't be valid by the church and then he and I would just have to get ours blessed? Confused.

Addiction

So I came to think of this idea, this notion after watching a lot of Dr. Drew and reading about people's preconceived notions about cats and dogs that perhaps addiction is something I could learn more about, that addiction doesn't just fall into categories of substance abuse - which it does not. So I looked up the definition of addiction and it was a bit surprising and illuminating:

–noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
Origin:
1595–1605;

So according to THIS I am addicted to my pets.

And I am sure there is some argument about this as well, I know it must be different for everyone, but I suffered and am still suffering severe trauma after Linus has passed away. I am still psychologically dependent on him! I eventually gave over, I surrendered my heart to Linus. If there's a more apt definition to that, I don't know!

Is it enslavement though if you truly just wholeheartedly give yourself over to it? Not really sure! :$

Anyone else addicted to your pets? I'm sure the answer must be yes!

Vote for Linus!

http://apps.facebook.com/coolcat/profile/4447

This is the coolest cat profile. Just vote for him. He's so close to 1, just do it. It'll make ya feel good!!!! :)

And he loves me! Know it can't be bad...

Mandarin has finally after 7 years decided that I'm cool. He has always been a daddy's boy. I know he's gone through a lot what with his brother dying and getting a new sister and all, but I'm so excited I could almost explode that he is finally starting to need me a little bit. Aww.. what a love. He is taking time out of his busy schedule to curl up with me every night if only for a little while, and he curled up with me this morning! :)

Went to the cardiologist yesterday. Wally's gonna go for an echocardiogram, do some test where he wears a monitor for three days and go for a stress test to rule out any heart problems. She thinks it's probably just hypertension but between his weight, his chron's, his arthritis, those are all inflammatory diseases and he's at too high of a risk for COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder.) More to come on that as stuff progresses, but I have good news! He's lost 50 pounds but I'm sure that's all fluid but that's still good. That really gives him some hope because he never thought he'd be able to lose any weight ever again. :)

Got the new Star Trek movie yesterday (amazing!!!!!!!) but only one thing wrong. Linus didn't get to see it :( I like to think he still was there, because Mandarin and Majel curled up with Wally and I in bed to watch it.

Majel has adopted my miniature stuffed animal that looks like Mandarin. I had put him back on the bookshelf - because she keeps knocking it over - and I guess during the night she got mad at me and decided to take it down, then put it on the stool! What a nut! :) So now i put it on the couch where it stays.

Can't wait to send out my X-mas gifts to my penpals. I wish I had money and resources to send everybody something special.

Hope I still am able to keep my job at Wendy's. They put up this sign that said that if anyone's drawer was off $10 (over or short) that they would be fired immediately. No suspension, no putting them on another position. Just fired. Let's hope I can keep it until all this stuff settles down. I don't really want to leave at this point because everyone likes me so much and it's the best fast food has ever been, but if we can't get all this coupon baloney straightened out then EVERYONE's drawers are going to continue to be off.

Well I'm going to go watch the special features for Star Trek. All I have seen is the gag reel so far. Have fun!

Live long and propser!

Drunk church ghost heart-doctors

Dreamed of ghosts last night trying so hard to talk to alive people and not being able to, and then I died and I was a ghost and I couldn't talk to them either. :(

Yesterday went to mass, and I held the widow next to me her hand during the Our Father - I guess we're not supposed to be doing that during mass because of worries of the h1n1 virus - and she was SOOOOOOOO grateful. She said she really needed that. I t made me feel special. I must mention that I never go to mass ever if I'm sick. There are too many people with compromised immune systems.

Haven't seen drunk boy lately. Not since he tried to ram into my car with his bicycle. Maybe he's fallen off the face of the Earth! Maybe he's getting help? He needs to go to rehab. BAAAAAD. Oh well. I can't fix everybody.

Tomorrow Wally is going to the cardiologist, so wish us luck. I hope it's all something that Wally will listen to. He can be rather stubborn.

Life the Universe and Everything

Last night went to Mark's. He replaced my fuse on my car so now my locks/windows/radio works! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! On the other hand I feel like a complete moron because my dimmer switch is NOT broken, there's just two parts to my lighting system, and I apparently bumped the part so it was stuck on brights and wouldn't dim. Still need now to get lights for my running lights, but that's no biggie. At least I won't get pulled over because they think I might be drunk, well unless I'm a moron and swerve all over the place! LOL

Then when we got home, one of the cats had barfed all over the floor, and pulled down my Wendy's apron to try and cover it up so that was all barfed over. I was so mad - well that's not quite the word, maybe disappointed, annoyed? - because we had JUST gotten laundry done, and now I had dirty clothes already?

Mandarin has super been trying to be my friend lately. Not last night but the night before he actually threw himself over my lap and my arms and asked me to rub his belly! He has never done that before with me. Ever.

Wally and my mom said, "Well maybe since Linus is gone now he knows that he has to take care of you". Wally also thinks maybe Linus is trying to talk through Mandarin. Wally has really big faith in Mandarin being a conduit.

Larry told me he has never seen Star Trek Nemesis. I'm going to have to get that movie back from Chris so Larry can see it! Larry is my super Star Trek buddy.

It was really busy at Bookworld yesterday so I didn't get to finish all my work. Hopefully I can get it all done today.

Well maybe chat later.

Hello hello hello; What a wonderful world, Hello

So the other day, Majel was laying in the floor - her favorite word is Hello - and I called her my Cello. Now I think that she may think that's her name! Cello would fit because she's so obsessed with strings, but silly cat... we're not renaming her after almost three months here!

She does love it when I sing "Hello (What a Wonderful Word)" written by Cal de Voll. If you've never heard of it, it's at the end of the movie Crazy People (which I love), and Ian Whitcomb on Youtube does an excellent version of it if you actually want to hear it.

She also likes to dance and have me sing Unchained Melody to her. She looooooooooooves that classic music, just like her mama... but she has not shown an affinity to the Beatles like Linus did. Linus swam when we watched "Across the Universe".

A few nights ago I dreamed of Linus - no big surprise, because every day since he left I dream of him - but this one was special and it was actually good. Every time I would fall back to sleep, he would be there, and curl up with me. It was like he was waiting for me to come back to bed.

I have decided after working yesterday that I don't understand people who don't love animals. What a sheltered life they must live. To only be consumed with thoughts of humans and their feelings, when there is so much to this wonderful world! Hello hello hello.. :) Like one person said yesterday, "Well I figured you were obsessed with cats because on your facebook, your face is a cat picture." I said, "He passed away the end of August. That was my Linus." And then she briefly seemed sorry, but then she seemed to think I should just be over it.

Well Hello Hello Hello... the world is a wonderful world, and Hello is a wonderful word, but I wanted to sarcastically say, "helllllllooooooooooo your version of the world is just as valid as mine." My version of the world has more depth than hers :P

Well I better log out for now.. computer's being wacky.

Heart's in Georgia, Heart's up here

Friday night at 1045 I brought Wally into the ED. He was having chest pains. He has really high blood pressure apparently, but they couldn't find out what was causing it. They gave him a nitro patch and some shots and got his blood pressure down, then he developed a head ache - they gave him two shots of morphines MORONS and then he started puking from that - and we were there until 6 AM. They didn't send him home with any meds, just told him to see his family doctor in the next 48 hours - which was impossible because she was closed for the weekend so I went and saw her on Monday. Wally is going to the cardiologist on Tuesday. The doctor said he has severe hypertension and we need to find out what is causing it. We're thinking it may be damage to his heart or angina. Neither are good things but we'll know more on Tuesday, so if you don't see me a lot on line, that's why. Taking care of hubby... Of course, on the way to work after bringing wally to the ed my car started experiencing problems - radio, electric windows and locks died, no biggy, have ruled out alternator and battery not being a problem so it's probably just a fuse.

Wally's still hurting, but I can't get him to go to the ed again. He said they'll just do the same thing again. That he'll just wait until Tuesday. Men, I tell you. I told him if he's not going to take care of himself and not listen to the doctor he might as well just jump off a bridge. He has gained 50 pounds in the last year and now weighs 425 pounds. He has to get this under control or else I'll be a ridiculously young widow and pissed off him for eternity. Besides that, I don't know what I would do without him. I love him ridiculously. I'm freaking out a bit. All I can do is try and be supportive right? I just don't want to lose him like I lost my dad.

Anyways got all that going on.. then I lost my Aunt Janie this morning. She went in yesterday because she had fallen, was on her way home when her doctor from Macon told her to go back in because her heart didn't look good, and her sons came to check on her this morning, and she was dead in the hospital bed. THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY MONITORS ON HER WHEN THEY KNEW SHE WAS HAVING HEART PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nurses didn't even know about it even though she was right next to the nurse's station.

Her husband - my Uncle Ortiz - has severe alzheimer's and parkinson's and he was able to stay home because she was there to take care of him. Now I don't know what will happen. I wish I could help but I am in Michigan and they're in Georgia. It's a bit of a commute..

So lots going on, but just wanted to explain in case I can't make it on like I usually do. It's not because I don't love all of yous guys, it's just ... well, I'm anticipating a lot of pampering the husband and taking him to doctor's appointments. I will keep you appraised as much as possible.

Oh and top of all of that... I think I have hemmerhoids... I don't even know how to spell it. But my bum is quite uncomfortable... Raaaaaaaaaaar...